I watched helplessly as my mother retreated inside herself, spending nigh on a year in a dressing gown crying at the kitchen table.

My blessed dad, a proud Italian man, held us altogether with his strength and compassion for mum. He did get tetchy with us kids at times but he was there, toiling away every day in his vineyard, coming home at night to cook dinner, prepare our school lunch, wash our uniforms before falling into bed to worry about the mounting bills and crop losses due to hail or frost or downy mildew.

We never ever spoke of this part of our lives, having relegated it to the too hard basket of life's experience.

But just before he died I asked dad to tell me about how he felt at this time. And he revealed that he had gone to a psychiatrist to get help himself. He could see that mum's despair was pulling him under and he knew he could not let this happen. Wow.

I can't tell you how proud I am of this man, who 40 years ago, had the courage to ask for help - at a time when such things were considered a weakness. Dad was a man's man, a politically incorrect man, a man who held very stereotypical views about marriage, the role of women. And yet he never once shirked his responsibilities or showed any resentment towards mum.

Why do I mention this?  Well I am still incensed by THAT speech which I took as a personal affront to my precious dad.

And now this from Latham.

Thank you Cara for telling us a story that so many people can relate to.   I know that these stories sometimes make people feel sad.   If that's you, you are not alone, there are plenty of people who want to help you.   I know some of them, they give their time and their love and they're just a phone call away.

You can call lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue on 1300 224636