Our budget position is the fault and responsibility of Julia Gillard - some "legacy"
I can see John and Wayne and Bruce and Craig and Bill and Ralph - and I can see you too through the magic windows. Thank you Miss Julia.

The parable of Pharaoh John and Vizier Peter

I wrote this in March, 2009 when every man and their deceased overseas non-resident mate was flashing the $900 Kev Cheques like confetti.   Given the parables of John being trotted out lately I thought it could do with another airing.


The Wise Men from the Orient

Once upon a time there was a Pharaoh – let’s call him Pharaoh John.   Pharaoh John was helped by a Vizier called Peter.   Peter was a hard man who was feared but respected by his people.

Each year the people worked hard – they ploughed the fields, sowed the seeds, harvested the crop, sifted the wheat from the chaff and stored the wheat in silos.   In the good years, they produced more than they consumed – and the surplus was stored away.   The wise Pharaoh knew that in some years, the rains didn’t come and the fields didn’t produce enough to meet their needs.

Under the Pharaoh’s leadership the grain silos were always in surplus – and so they had enough to eat during the lean years.

When the wise Pharaoh passed on, he was succeeded by a prodigal Pharaoh.   Let’s call him Kevin.   Kevin wanted the people to like him.   He said it was time to party.   Don’t worry about work, it’s boring.  

Kevin said “There’s so much grain in the silos that we can afford to give everyone a bonus hand-out for free.   Have a party on me!”

The people loved him.   They stopped working – and why wouldn’t they when they got grain for free?   Kev was the most popular Pharaoh the nation had known since Pharaoh Bob!   (Pharaoh Bob was a hard act to follow after he said that any Scribe who sacked a worker for pulling a sickie after the nation’s sailing win was a bum!)

It had taken Pharoah John and his Vizier Pete 10 years to replenish the nation’s grain silos after Bob’s reign.   Pharoah Kev emptied them out in 8 months!   The people rejoiced with wine, women and song.   And they bought up big – particularly with imports from the mysterious nation of the Orient.  

The Wise Men of the East who were exporting their goods to Kev’s people thought that Pharaoh Kev was just great, he made them very happy indeed.

One day Kev’s Vizier Wayne went to the silo for the next hand-out.   He was shocked to see the grain-store was empty!   So Wayne called the Wise Men from the mysterious oriental nation in for a secret meeting.   It was so secret the nation’s Scribes weren’t allowed to talk about it.   Pharaoh Kev and Wayne begged the Wise Men from the East to lend them grain.   The Wise Men agreed but they demanded very generous terms in return.

Kev and Wayne couldn’t believe their luck!   Sure enough, the Wise Men from the East delivered on their promise – they filled the silos with grain.   As fast as they could deliver the grain (via a tender every Wednesday and Friday) Kev and Wayne handed it out to the people and the party went on and on and on!   The people couldn’t believe their luck!   Kevin smiled and spoke in mysterious tongues – the people couldn’t understand where the grain was coming from but Kev said it was the right thing to do and he would know!

One day the Wise Men from the East came calling again.  

This time no one was smiling.  

They held a big meeting and everyone was invited.   The Wise Men brought out the parchment that Kev and Wayne had signed.    There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.   The Wise Men brought their own Viziers, Scribes and Pharisees.   Soon everyone was speaking in the mysterious tongue of the East.   And the people were forced to get used to working again – this time for the Men from the East.   And try though they might, this time there was no Moses to lead them from slavery.

Kev and Wayne sailed off with Bob into the sunset to a lovely future on the speaking circuit.   They told tales of the good old days when money was free and the economy was stimulated to within an inch of its life!  

And the Wise Men from the East smiled knowingly.