Our budget position is the fault and responsibility of Julia Gillard - some "legacy"
I can see John and Wayne and Bruce and Craig and Bill and Ralph - and I can see you too through the magic windows. Thank you Miss Julia.

The parable of Pharaoh John and Vizier Peter

I wrote this in March, 2009 when every man and their deceased overseas non-resident mate was flashing the $900 Kev Cheques like confetti.   Given the parables of John being trotted out lately I thought it could do with another airing.


The Wise Men from the Orient

Once upon a time there was a Pharaoh – let’s call him Pharaoh John.   Pharaoh John was helped by a Vizier called Peter.   Peter was a hard man who was feared but respected by his people.

Each year the people worked hard – they ploughed the fields, sowed the seeds, harvested the crop, sifted the wheat from the chaff and stored the wheat in silos.   In the good years, they produced more than they consumed – and the surplus was stored away.   The wise Pharaoh knew that in some years, the rains didn’t come and the fields didn’t produce enough to meet their needs.

Under the Pharaoh’s leadership the grain silos were always in surplus – and so they had enough to eat during the lean years.

When the wise Pharaoh passed on, he was succeeded by a prodigal Pharaoh.   Let’s call him Kevin.   Kevin wanted the people to like him.   He said it was time to party.   Don’t worry about work, it’s boring.  

Kevin said “There’s so much grain in the silos that we can afford to give everyone a bonus hand-out for free.   Have a party on me!”

The people loved him.   They stopped working – and why wouldn’t they when they got grain for free?   Kev was the most popular Pharaoh the nation had known since Pharaoh Bob!   (Pharaoh Bob was a hard act to follow after he said that any Scribe who sacked a worker for pulling a sickie after the nation’s sailing win was a bum!)

It had taken Pharoah John and his Vizier Pete 10 years to replenish the nation’s grain silos after Bob’s reign.   Pharoah Kev emptied them out in 8 months!   The people rejoiced with wine, women and song.   And they bought up big – particularly with imports from the mysterious nation of the Orient.  

The Wise Men of the East who were exporting their goods to Kev’s people thought that Pharaoh Kev was just great, he made them very happy indeed.

One day Kev’s Vizier Wayne went to the silo for the next hand-out.   He was shocked to see the grain-store was empty!   So Wayne called the Wise Men from the mysterious oriental nation in for a secret meeting.   It was so secret the nation’s Scribes weren’t allowed to talk about it.   Pharaoh Kev and Wayne begged the Wise Men from the East to lend them grain.   The Wise Men agreed but they demanded very generous terms in return.

Kev and Wayne couldn’t believe their luck!   Sure enough, the Wise Men from the East delivered on their promise – they filled the silos with grain.   As fast as they could deliver the grain (via a tender every Wednesday and Friday) Kev and Wayne handed it out to the people and the party went on and on and on!   The people couldn’t believe their luck!   Kevin smiled and spoke in mysterious tongues – the people couldn’t understand where the grain was coming from but Kev said it was the right thing to do and he would know!

One day the Wise Men from the East came calling again.  

This time no one was smiling.  

They held a big meeting and everyone was invited.   The Wise Men brought out the parchment that Kev and Wayne had signed.    There was much wailing and gnashing of teeth.   The Wise Men brought their own Viziers, Scribes and Pharisees.   Soon everyone was speaking in the mysterious tongue of the East.   And the people were forced to get used to working again – this time for the Men from the East.   And try though they might, this time there was no Moses to lead them from slavery.

Kev and Wayne sailed off with Bob into the sunset to a lovely future on the speaking circuit.   They told tales of the good old days when money was free and the economy was stimulated to within an inch of its life!  

And the Wise Men from the East smiled knowingly.



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stu nt

Michael, for those not able to stomach the full speech

The lighter version (I tried to satirise but it's hard to improve on her efforts): Julia Gillard delivers one of her more entertaining speeches - We're taken on a tour of Egypt, The Louvre & the life & times of some poor bugger named John! Here are the highlights PLUS a look at John? (@3.20)


Nancy White

Goodness gracious me!!!!! (Quietly, so no one hears, SOB!SOB. For our beautiful country.


OMG, I thought she used the name John the other day because she was channeling her dead papa.

The one who died immensely proud of her.


Bit of a copypasta from another site I made a comment on the Parable of John '(according to Julia)'

"[T]he problem is that [after a while] the only lendors willing to touch the 'Johns' of the world are the bottom feeders that give out those high interest 'pay day' loans.

So John loses the house (if he owns one), the car (which is probably still under finance), the furniture and electrical goods (on hire purchase), the shirt off his back ('bought' with the store credit card) [as he struggles to repay those and other debts] and has to declare bankruptcy to stop his creditors from suing him for what ever else he has that could be of value. John becomes a charity case and even more of a social burden now that he's destitute and homeless."

Of course when a nation goes bust, there is no soup kitchen or homeless shelter to go to while trying to get back on ones feet. The only options are to lose a war, revolution followed by lawlessness and civil unrest (thow a dart at any map of Africa and the Middle East, you're bound to hit an example), or find some way to convince a foreign power to take on the burden (usually in exchange for natural wealth and resources) - as can be seen in the example of 'the men from the East'.

john greybeard

How could someone who knows so much about shopping overspend by THAT MUCH?

Allan Cox

If only "Kev and Wayne sailed off with Bob into the sunset" things might have been much better now.

However, may be not, as Cleo Pathologica had yet to wreak her travails on what was once a truly great country.

Oh for a return of Ming, as boring as those days may have been (to the likes of today's toadies hanging around Her Righteous Haridan) as times were great, life was enjoyable and change was something you did before sitting down to dinner.


@ underminder - Are you sure she wasn't thinking of another Pommie import by the name of 'John'? One 'legitimately' employed under a 457 visa (because your average Aussie has just enough morals to make then unsuitable for his job)? That 'John' is about the only one I can think of who will walk away with a nice fat bank balance resulting from all of Jules and Wayne's spend and borrow tactics...

Zulu Kilo Two Alpha

Funny, we listened to Pharaoh Bob promising all workers the day off after the America's Cup win, a certain - hardhearted - Warrant Officer threatened to throw us all in goal....

Shaun K

All Australians are paying a price for LABOR'S insanity,absurdity and foolishness.Deceit and Falsehood has many faces,they are determined to suppress the real truth and camouflage the facts with flowery words from the public gaze.After the 14/09/2014 all Labor heroes will be nowhere to be seen.All of them will end up in the same burrow,having a great time in hibernation and drowning in their own waste products,feeling jolly for their folly.May they remain perpetually happy in their burrow blowing their own trumpets.


Smithy, You need to rewrite this to include the first female pharaoh. It should have a happy ending with her dying, having been bitten on the breast by an asp.


Not hard to see what the taxman said to the pharisees before the second coming ;)


The wise men from the East.......In Texas they are known as 'The Carpetbaggers.


There are NO Politicans past or present in John's position. Funny that eh!

john greybeard

From one wise man from the west "Cry mM Beloved Country."

Kevin Freer

I think Prime Ministers and treasurers who can not show a surlus or at least a balanced budget in good times should have their superannuation reduced by 10% for every billion of debt they allowed to be created.

This policy should also be back dated 5 years.

Kevin Freer

The problem is of course that juliar has never had to worry about money or to have a need to budget, when she ran out of cash she just took another handful of "HONEST" workers money out of AWU funds.


@ Zeigeist, I thought that particular John was "not fk'n relevant"???? :-)


I loved this when I first read it, and was a pleasure to read again.

Looks like communism is kicking into gear in Australia, with the new taxes being implemented.
Thanks Gillard


[email protected] the happy endings belong to Albanese



Kevin's moved along, JEG needs a chapter all to herself.

Chapter heading,.....There will be NO ???....It could be never ending with her "connexions".


@ underminder - I reckon most crooks caught with their hand in the proverbial cookie jar would like everyone to that they, the crook in question, aren't relevant to the hand and the cookie jar ;)

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