Now we know how bad your original letter really was.   The subbies at The Oz were saving you from yourselves and your cliches.

You are the defence force!  You are not Google or bad HollowMen script writers.   How could you possibly put your name to this opening par?

In the Australian Defence Force we strive[s] to create an environment where all of our people can feel valued, included and empowered to bring innovative ideas to the table. Our goal is to foster a workplace that encourages great ideas, attracts the best talent and creates a sense of pride in all that we do.

I preferred "The role of the infantry is to close with and kill the enemy".

Talk to a few recruits about their innovative ideas for parade ground drill.   That would look shit hot!

Duty First.