Personality Profile - The Betoota Advocate gives Paul Murray the once-over
Friday, 19 November 2021
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Anyone who doesn’t have millions of dollars worth of franking credits to protect have today confirmed that Paul ‘Aldi Alan’ Murray is an absolute dribbler.
That’s according to a survey of Australians who have had the great displeasure of walking in the living room while their grandparent’s are being handfed state propaganda by a whingeing Sydney toff who lives to serve the corporate welfare frauds like Gerry Harvey that advertise on his programme.
Speaking to several locals down at the Lord Kidman Hotel in Betoota today, these findings were only reconfirmed.
“Every time he talks I feel even more concerned about the future of Australian media” says Glenn (55, boilermaker).
“it’s like there is actual shit coming out of his mouth. That’s how much of a shit talker he is” says Penny (66, florist).
“He actually thinks he has an army of die-hard viewers that respect his opinion like Derryn or Hadley. It’s so sad” says Timbo (38, accountant).
As a man who started his career with the aim to provide the Australian middle class with he believed to be a ‘Thinking Man’s John Laws’ – the big fella has unfortunately departed drastically from his initial format over the years.
His current MO, of shitting on any female politicians and mythical youth criminals, has all but clarified that Rupert has only thrown him a jersey on the proviso that he continues to unashamedly lick the boots of one of the most useless Federal Governments since the 2010 hung parliament.
Australians say that they are blown away by how the 43-year-old’s constant sighing and heavy breathing between poorly delivered Morrison Government talking points is somehow less informative than the deranged conspiracists that follow his programme on the nightly Sky News line up.
Murray, working alongside the unpaid interns that work tirelessly to keep his TV programme on-air for the 70,000 people that watch it nationwide, has today been labelled one of the biggest wastes of airtime on Australian TV.
The populist shiraz conservative has tried and failed over five times to land himself a 2GB-style talkback gig on radio, but has never been able to connect with the grey army quite as well as Alan.
This is mostly due to his inability to criticise anyone that isn’t female and the fact that he doesn’t know shit about sport.
In fact, Paul Murray’s absolute dribble is so low quality that he’s still struggling to see an increase in ratings -even after Rupert Murdoch managed to get Sky News syndicated onto free-to-air in all of those same electorates that magically swung last Federal Election.
His constant attacks on the Queensland Premier and the ABC have shown that not only does Paul Murray have no idea what he’s talking about, but all of his recent attempts at political vilification have actually resulted his targets experiencing an increase in popularity amongst voters.